Archive for February 1st, 2014
Ask Teal – Dubious advice to Goreans
Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Picture: Warehouse and bank of the House of Yuroki Company, Tancred’s Landing, by night
By Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr, Port Olni Warrior
DEAR TEAL:
I am a female slave whose Master has just informed her that he is leaving on an extended trip. He did not mention taking me with. It appears that he will be gone from the middle of Se’Var to the beginning of En’Var. To be sure, I will miss him and ache for him every day that he is gone. I am new to this Master. He has not a free companion or children. I seem to be “it” for him. I feel concerned that he is going alone and hurt that I am not being taken with him. What should I do while he is away?
DEAR SEEMINGLY FORGOTTON:
I feel for your plight. That is a long time to be Masterless. Well, let’s think of a few ways you can fill in the ahns while alone.
Look around your Master’s abode. Hopefully you have access to merchants in the marketplace who extend credit to your Master. If you see an item that needs to be in place so that your Master can have an easier life, for instance a new jar of oil for the bathtub, a new cloak for him, a set of larl furs for the bedroom, silk pillows, new drinking vessels, then buy it. Shop with an eye toward beauty, functionality, and above all quality. You get the point. Start within the physical four walls and work inward.
The next spotlight should be cast upon your wardrobe. Are your silk’s skimpy enough? Is there enough see-through material in their making to cause a grown gorean man to cry? Are your anklet’s and bracelet’s as clean and polished as they can be? How is your hair? Maybe a trip to your favorite bathhouse and a consult with one of the ladies who serve in these miracles of ablutionary pleasure, will be time well spent. See if you need a cut or shaping. Take a look at your Master’s weapons that he has left behind. Put them all in a cart and haul them to the metal worker’s stall in the marketplace in your city. Tell him to hone them all to razor sharpness. If he does not understand that phrase, tell him you want them all to be able to cut a throat easily.
Now we have covered the realities of your coming abandonment and what you can do to make yourself useful. You could turn inward and examine your compliance with your slave paces. Start saying them fluidly and like you mean it, every third ahn of the day. Then go out and practice those paces on the free people in the commons area. Serve like your life depended on being pleasing. Sign up to help anyone who is asking for committee workers. Make yourself useful!
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.3 Issue 143
Where is he going? …continued
Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Picture: Treve
By Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr, Port Olni Warrior
It amazes me to no end when I function on supposition and not truth. I was really ignorant of the travel plans my Master was making. Some slaves might read that last sentence and say, “Oh yeah Teal, you are truly a bosk’s bum.” And I know who is saying that right now; the person that is reading this and was once the “keeper of the naughty list” in Port Olni. Well, to you and the three other people who read my drivel, a fleer’s fart on you. You see, I have to be concerned with my Master’s whereabouts. Most would say, “That is not true, you just go and do not ask questions. A slave has no rights. You are an animal.” Now think about that for a moment. Yes, that is so correct. I could not have said it with fewer words. It takes me several uttered sentences before I get to the point, but if you stop reading now you will never find out the big explosive ending.
Well, play with fire if you will. For the other 2 people reading this column, I will plunge ahead. I am to serve, please and to be pleasing to all Free Persons. I am also to serve with exquisite beauty and absolute obedience. Now, following orders blindly is noble and honorable. It means that you have absolute confidence that you trust the other person’s judgment as if it were backed by an iron-clad guarantee from the Priest-Kings. On Gor, it seems, Goreans make quick friends with people and for brief periods, they treat each other amicably. Not to do so, would mean that the stranger would have to be an enemy and worthy of your blade. But these fast friendships are constantly broken by tiresome border squabbles which turn friends from adjoining lands into mortal enemies. So the old adage still applies; ‘be careful whom you trust’.
So, I do not think it is pleasing or obedient and it can be damn well ugly if you do not keep yourself alert to dangers, lest your Master dash his foot against a stone. It’s at these times, should you become too inquisitive, you can say, “I must look out for your health and good fortune my Master. May this girl have permission to speak? I knowi full well that if what I say is displeasing to you, I will suffer a whipping from your kind hand.” This last statement will actually make two people happy. Your Master will hear a warning from your lips that may prove to save his life and health and if not, he will get some much needed exercise lashing your backside. And, you will get whip marks to prove to others in the market place that you are much cherished by your Master.
Not being told where my Master was going, and taking me with, was almost criminal. Since, to put it in earth terms, I am his housekeeper, butler, parlor maid, scullery maid, interior decorator, washwoman, haberdasher, chef, comparison shopper, personal assistant, transcriber of the notes he makes for his maps, sex toy, “whipping boy”, and the keeper of his secrets, which would make me appear imbecilic if I were to permit him to enter into harm. Don’t tell anyone, but there are not too many Master’s who depend upon their slave as much as my Master does.
And so it was to my amazement that I found out my Master was going to Treve. He was not going as a representative of Port Olni dressed in his caste uniform color of scarlet cloth. Instead he was going undercover, in the disguise of a merchant. This was to be a cloak and dagger adventure as a spy for the Commander of the Port Olni warriors. It kinda excited me. I was to be traveling to a mountain clime which is given to lower temperatures. Because of the cold, I was given three different larl pelt cloaks and feathered and bejeweled headdresses so that I would look the part of a slave to a merchant who is extremely prosperous. I think most of us would rather be around a richly dressed individual and not someone who is wearing the Gorean version of Birkenstocks. Dressed in rich arraignment, my Master was assured of being let in the front gates of Treve. I do hope they have changed the stockade type entry in favor of some richly hewn stone gate towers. I don’t like landing at a fly infested arrival point. The last time I went to Treve, there was a distinct odor of urine around the gates.
And so we went to Treve and had a great time playing at “merchant”. My Master pretended that he was going to sell me to the highest bidder and I gave him pretend scowls. It was all in great fun, but, he let me sweat a few times when the bidding got up to the 15 gold tarn range. He always dismissed these monetary inquiries with a wave of his bejeweled hand. I smirked at his pasha like largesse and thought he might be good at ruling a city in the Tahari.
After 4 days of buying, selling, eating, fooling around and sightseeing, we were ready to leave. I think my Master obtained all the skinny on troop numbers and preparedness to give a full report to his Commander. And so it was with heavy heart and a heavier belly, from having consumed a week’s worth of cream cakes in 4 days, that I departed Treve as the property of my Master.
I promised you an explosive ending. And an explosive ending it was too. My intestinal upset matched the frolic level of my previous festivities. And there you have it. A good time was had by all. Now let me clean out this lavatory before my Master gets home.
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.3 Issue 142
The Trip – where is he going?
Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Picture: Shipwreck, near the mouth where the Olni river flows into the Vosk
by Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Port Olni
I am making preparations for a trip that my Master is to embark upon and taking me with, but I am not being told where he is going. To be sure, my Master knows, the Priest-Kings know but as I look around the city, there is no one else who knows anything more about this. On my way to the market I dropped by the docks to inquire of the captain of the ship ‘Lucy’ where his floating emporium of ripe smells would be headed in the next few days. The captain, one Philomen of Cos, looked as though he had gastric problems and did not answer my inquiry. There was a small boy, a cabin boy, who told me that they were sailing down the Olni, to the mighty Vosk and out into the waters of gleaming Thassa.
I felt panic since I am a white knuckle traveler on the shipping lanes of Gor. The hazards are myriad, from man eating sea sleen to river tharlarion. If you have never seen a free woman or man fall overboard and meet their death by one of these creatures, you haven’t lived. I would prefer that my Master hire a tarn to take us wherever he is traveling to.
Now that I knew the direction in which he was proceeding I conjectured that he might be travelling to Port Cos. It was probably going to be a long river and Thassa journey and that is why the provisions he had me buy were many and varied. I took out clean piece of rence paper and wrote down the ever growing list that my Master was insisting I purchase.
It was a little disconcerting because many of these provisions needed to be cooked which means I had to pack a large stew pot and other vessels used for steeping and baking. I have travelled before. Sometimes I have stayed at inns around Gor while accompanying the Master. This is the best way to travel. There is something to be said about staying in a four star inn and having room service. The proprietors of these inns, my Master books on travels, are very knowledgeable of the type of service my Master expects.
He is sent the best foods the area has to offer and the cutest of slave boys for me to flirt with. These Inn Keepers are not blind to MY needs in that department. While my Master is sleeping with a sumptuous repast in his tummy, I am off playing Strip Zar with the slave boys. This beats traveling to a place where I have to use someone else’s kitchen to set up shop to prepare my Master’s meals.
Now that we are travelling on a ship I will have to use the galley of the vessel and try to get my Master’s meals prepared before the ship’s cook comes in to prepare the bread, onions, and peas for the crew. I always hesitate to use the galley’s on ships my Master embarks on. The small spaces that are allocated to these floating kitchens make excellent traps where the cooks can grab me and have a go.
I must be off shopping for now and will finish telling this on going story next week.
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.3 Issue 141
All is not quiet on the northern Front
Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Picture: The new headquarters of the NEW VOICE OF GOR, Tancred’s Landing
by Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Port Olni
This week I felt compelled to pen this observation. I will not reveal the name of my source. I will not reveal any information even close to sounding like a name. And, it is my fervent hope that the people who recognize themselves, in this story, take heed. They will be secure in the fact that I will never expose them. For in the end, we all eventually expose ourselves.
I must say that I always have a case of “the nerves” when I am needed for serving in the commons. It is not that I dislike serving, for I am commanded to serve all free by my Master, a most generous and kind Master. The fear of displeasing my Master though, by displeasing a free person is not a situation I care to experience. This guilt by proxy is unnerving to say the least. My Master’s sense of justice is swift and fueled only by his certain knowledge that a transgression has taken place. He is none to kind with the use of the lash at this point. So, on the whole, I would say, I will not, under any circumstances, cause a constipated look on my Master’s face. He will only have relief of his constipation when he beats the shit outta ME.
Well, that is neither here nor there. The fact is, there are many things I love about serving. One is the view you are afforded. It is a view that most never experience inside the city. Where else can you see the latest styles as worn by the free women and the new weapons purchased from the metal workshops around Gor.
If I may digress for a moment, it is inherent in me to ogle the swords and bows that men carry. I am spellbound by tales of weapons, combat and war. There are certain reasons for this but that is another story.
But, then again, I am just as fascinated by the rich materials that the beautiful free women use to adorn themselves. The fabrics and decoration are just as mesmerizing as the sharpened steel blades.
The commons is also a place where there is food cooking, fruits on display, casks of strong drink and bottles of sweet Turian wine. And, the prime mover for serving in the commons, the proximity to cake. It is here also, that a variety of Gorean life parades in an ever changing tableau of dialects, colors, customs, and personalities.
Everyone who is anyone comes through the gates of Port Olni. Only the riff raff, for example, Trevian raiders on tarns, fly down from the walls.
So the gates being in front of the commons offers you a changing view of Goreans in various modes of undress.
The commons is the hub of any city. Visitors bring news of other neighboring and faraway places they have traveled to. It is also an amusing place where the free and slave gossip and flirt. These stories make ripe telling when a Master is bored and commands you to entertain him.
I always strive to please the free. It is actually a win win situation. I please them, they feed me. Sometimes I get candy and cream cakes.
Now because the commons is the heart of the city and the cross roads of the town, it is fitting for this important place to have an air of quiet and professional dignity. Craftsmen, even now, are drawing up new plans for the transformation of this port city. I am told that broad plaza’s of stone and tile will be set down shortly.
I believe the architectural firm of Buildem and Pray has been engaged once more to edit and reedit the city’s monuments. They may be having problems choosing which edifices, built by past architects who have “bit the City of Dust”, to eradicate from the skyline.
It was within such a scene that I overheard the most flagrant disruption of the space time continuum as ever there was.
A merchant who does business trading in the northern forests was elaborating about his recent encounter with a panther tribe. He has done commerce with this tribe on his trade route and makes it into their lands about every six months. There is no wonder that he is not captured and made a thrall but his rotundity makes him ill equipped for waiting on a panther hand and foot.
The merchant was giving a warning to all present and even asked to have an audience with the Ubar and the Commander of Port Olni. He wanted one and all to hear of a warning he brought back from the north. It seems this panther tribe he deals with has gone rogue. Their members have become true man-haters. This misandry was spreading like a disease through the tribe. Former panthers who were mainly interested in honing their hunting skills and capturing hapless males who wandered past their borders, were now crying for blood. They were planning a full scale attack on a large city on the Olni River. Their plan was to kill as many men as they could and then capture the free women and slaves. Only the Priest-Kings would know what could ensue then.
As ludicrous as this sounds coming from the Falstaffian merchant, the man was unnerved enough to quaff his libation with a shaking hand. He told of a horrific scene he witnessed when two free persons were brought into the panther camp. The captured free man was assaulted by derision and stripped naked. His companion was tied and made to watch the disgusting display of misanthropic vengeance. After much abuse and punches to his genitalia, the man’s throat was cut. His companion looked on helpless. Her wails were heard all through the forest. The merchant, not having weapons or the authority to stop this, fled the scene.
It seems that there were just a few rotten apples in this panther camp that were causing the psyches of the others to whither and rot as theirs had. The merchant stopped in Olni to entreat the administration to send warriors and a magistrate to put down this dangerous uprising. He was begging anyone who would listen to help him arm himself and put together a battalion of free men and warriors to bring the murderous women to justice.
I was chilled to my core after hearing this and sat closer to a brazier to warm myself. When most of the commons cleared out except for a warrior and a slave who were feeling each other up in a corner, I ran home and waited for my Master’s return.
When the door opened I set about helping him remove his gear and when he was relaxed I related the story of the merchant in the commons. I could see the anger in his eyes. He told me if it was a true story, the warriors of Olni would wipe that tribe off the face of Gor. After saying this he put his heavy cloak on and took off for the Ubar’s office in the admin cylinder.
I smiled because I could feel safe in the knowledge that retribution would be swift. To sum it up for the poor panther’s who brought this on, “payback’s a bitch.”
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.3 Issue 140
Ask Teal – Dubious Advice to Goreans
Saturday, February 1st, 2014
Picture: New Tancred’s Landing
by Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Port Olni
DEAR TEAL:
I am a slave who has committed a blunder and I need to know how to come out of it smelling like a rose. It concerns my Master’s signet ring. This ring was passed down from his Great Grandfather, to his son, my Master’s grandfather and subsequently to my Master’s father, who, at one point in his life was held captive in Port Kar. He knew that if his captors in Port Kar found the ring, it would have been confiscated and melted down. The way his Father looked at it, this ring was his son’s birthright. He’d be damned if any pirates were gonna put their greasy hands on his boy’s birthright, so he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this signet ring up his ass. Then, before he died, he gave the signet ring to my Master.
I was playing with this ring and dropped it. An urt ran out and picked it up in its teeth and off he ran to I know not where. Help me.
DEAR CLUMSY OAF:
Your whole question smacks of another time and place. I am recalling a movie I saw on earth that had a segment in it that gave a similar recounting. It matters not that you know what a movie is, but just take it from me….this will not be easy to solve without using a grand set of prevarications.
When you think about it, the urt could have jumped up on the table and taken the ring just on principle. Since for every warm body on Gor, there exists at least two urts, the possibility of having an urt problem in one’s abode is very real. Your urts are rather bold to surface in the light of day.
What I am going to give you is a series of plausible lies that can be used to cover your own rear end. Yes, yes, I know that slaves should never lie and this one will not quite be a lie. You will just have to leave out the part of the story that set you in the middle and close the gaps.
How about you start crying profusely when your Master returns, telling him you were cleaning when an urt jumped up on the desk and ran off with the signet ring. This first scenario totally absolves you from blame and your Master’s wrath will be turned against the filthy, furry thief.
My second scenario includes you taking the ring to the local gemstone dealer for a good cleaning. This will give you time to set up traps inside and outside the house to try and catch the obnoxious creature. Of course, you have no ring to take to the jeweler so you will have to concoct a story of believable magnitude to prevent him from going off to the jeweler to reclaim his precious piece.
But let’s get back to the trapping of the disgusting filth that absconded with the ring in the first place. If you tell your Master and urt ate it or that you took it to the jeweler, it does not matter since either way you can still put out traps everywhere in the house further implicating the urt and covering your proverbial ass.
I would use as bait that smelly comestible known as bosk milk cheese. Urts are crazy about it and no doubt the ring itself was perceived to be a smelly treat by the urt since Master’s are not given to frequent hand washing. Hence their hands smell like moldy cheese. Once you catch the vermin, you will know what to do, namely deprive it of the life it almost cost you. The ring should be inside its intestines as I don’t think an urt’s anal opening is big enough to pass a ring of that size. It might be shrewd of you to enlist the help of another slave. Just make sure the other does not know of your ruse since they would be punished for your transgression also.
Good luck with the ring. If you find it, ask your Master to keep it firmly wedged in between his buttocks for safekeeping. Except if he is captured in Treve, the ring will definitely be discovered straightway.
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.3 Issue 139