ASK TEAL – Dubious Advice to Goreans
Picture: Working in the fields – City of Naath
ASK TEAL ~ Dubious Advice to Goreans
By Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Olni
DEAR TEAL:
I am a free woman who is desperate to find a companion. I see free men everywhere in my city, they are either with companions or walking with a retinue of slaves behind them. In other words, they are most unapproachable. I have been courted by some five men in the past but after a few weeks, they disappear from my life and if I see them in the commons or the market place, they turn the other way or cross to the other side of the street to avoid me. Will I ever find one? Where are all the men? Please advise.
DEAR FLYING SOLO:
By the three moons, there must be an epidemic on Gor. Yours is the third scroll I have received this week written about the same dilemma. You give me little to go on. I would need more information to give you the sound advice I am used to dispensing in The Voice of Gor. (coughs) For instance, how mature are you, when was your last bath, do you use mouth wash, are your clothes freshly laundered, do you pick your teeth in public. These may all be clues as to why men flee from your side. Since I have a dearth of answers to the aforementioned I will now impart a primer on dating for free women. Maybe after taking these admonitions to heart you will find the free companion of your dreams.
If your hygiene is not lacking and your robes of concealment cover your natural assets demurely, then I would look to behaviors that could be the “kiss of death” to a budding relationship.
Here are some red flags that a prospective mate will not find appealing in a date. First off, do not make sentimental appeals to his emotions. Don’t expect him to say things he is not comfortable revealing. He may not want to tell you of the last man he ran through with his blade or the paga slut he used last night. You might be moved to tears. And generally speaking, men prefer not to see a woman in tears, especially in public. And, you will be in public during your courtship. Think of HIS discomfort when you starting weeping openly in the commons.
Next on the list, and these are not in order of importance as they are ALL important, when in the presence of a free man, alighting on a cushion or chair, for the sake of the Priest-Kings, do it with a little grace. Do not assume awkward positions. A lady in robes of concealment should not sit with her knees up, spread apart, letting her gown settle in between her legs. You are not at the physicians office getting a gynecological examination. Now this rule is thrown out the window when in the privacy of your own quarters away from judgmental eyes. In that instance you may behave in the sluttiest of attitudes.
In the same vein as your body deportment, the movement of your mouth should be considered. If your intended and you share a meal, chew your food and keep your lips closed while doing so. Do not bolt it down like a tarn tearing apart a tabuk. This should not be too hard, as all women, at some point in their lives, have to learn to use their mouth and lips in pleasing ways. Also, a woman must cultivate a clear speaking voice. They must learn to laugh charmingly. They must learn to move their lips to express desire for the man. They must also learn to hold their tongues when tempted to tell the man that he smells like a rotted old corpse of a dead sleen if in fact she is trying to court his favor.
To please a man, think of watching your mother making a cake. She would be using all sorts of delightful ingredients. You would be watching her deft movements and imagine the delights of the soon to be present, cake. In that way you have learned cake making. And so it is that you could learn to please a free man, from observing those who are already doing so. Slaves learn this early on so it would behoove a free woman to learn from the observations of how good slaves treat their Masters, which is the least painful method of learning. Or, you could take years learning by trial and error, making corrections to your “How to Please a Free Man” recipe. These minor corrections to the recipe, which take place every time you have tasted a too bitter or a too sweet or a too salty concoction, can lead to the constant heart break of losing some very expensive cake ingredients because you have not treated them right. It can be compared to coming to the new love interest with a pantry of separate experiences that you could not meld into one pleasing mix. This is maybe the main reason why you have not succeeded in keeping a male in your life. It could also explain why you could be a terrible baker. But, that of course is pure supposition on my part.
Another salient point is this, be interested in what the male is saying. I am not telling you to appear interested, I am saying “BE INTERESTED”. You may say, “But, he is a boring person. How can I find what he says of interest?” I am here to say, if you find little of interest in what he says, you are with the wrong man. You had best get out of that relationship sooner than later. Find a man you are interested in. Looks fade but the intellect, if not marred by accident and disease, lasts to the end of life. One should pick brains over looks any day of the week. Although a cute smile couldn’t hurt.
The answer to your question of where are all the men and how can you get and keep one is turning into a novella of sorts. The answers to your question are long and intricate. I must say that writing about them is going to take a few more publications of this news scroll, The Voice of Gor. I would like to finish your answer this week but my Master is giving me the evil eye because I have occupied his desk in the study for too long. He permits me to write this column as long as I am not using his desk while he is home. He is motioning for me to assume the position of a pleasure slave. Uh oh, he is tapping his foot. Never fear, true to my purpose of supplying questionable advice, I will finish your answer on next week’s scroll.
From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.4 Issue 167