GRUEL IS CRUEL – A New Recipe is born

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GRUEL IS CRUEL ~ A New Recipe is born

By Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Olni

My Master was away for a day and after I finished my chores in the house I looked around for something to eat. I was so busy fixing snacks for my Master to take on his short trip that I neglected to eat my first meal of the day. I had an unpleasant feeling of shakiness and a small headache from the lack of food. As I looked around the house I found a half eaten piece of bread that had seen better days. I did not fancy eating moldy Sa-Tarna bread and I chucked it out in the street for the birds to peck at. I was getting mighty hungry. There was no coin in the house either to purchase something at the market stalls. I thought about asking the baker to put some fresh bread on my Master’s account but he has been put out with me since I poked my finger inside a cream cake on his shelf. I just wanted to taste it but, I was caught. He told me not to come back any time soon.

I thought maybe I would go to the vegetable merchant and ask him for a few suls and put the cost on my Master’s account but, the last time I went there to buy vegetables, the merchant and I had a heated argument and to spite him, I rubbed a sul in my butt crack, put it back in his display, and thumbed my nose at him. He chased me but, he is an enormous man and I out distanced him and got away. He should eat more of the vegetables he sells. Maybe he could then win a foot race with me.

I was going to have to go to where the food was plentiful, albeit, distasteful. Yes my friends, I went to the city kennel. It was there that I met the slaver of Port Olni, Master Tuor, a Tuchuck. Our slaver is a very kind man and the girls that come in for processing and training are well treated.

As all of Gor knows, the food that is commonly given slaves is a gruel consisting of Sa-Tarna meal mixed with water. This is a cheap but life sustaining repast. Before one ingests this substance, you find yourself asking, do I live to eat or do I eat to live? Slave gruel is definitely something that you eat in order to live. And so you eat it to ward off death.

And so I begged the Master Tuor to go to the kennel kitchen and get some Sa-Tarna meal. He was most accommodating and said I could have half a sack if I wanted it. I took a sack that was open and about 1/3 full. I thanked him profusely and went home. At the house I put the sack on the counter and peered in at the substance. It was yellow and coarse similar to the cornmeal I had known on Earth. First I tried mixing a half of a cup with water and heating it up in a pan. The smell that came from it was not appetizing and even with my great hunger, I threw it out into the street for the birds to peck at.

I looked around the kitchen and remembered a pitcher of bosk milk that had soured but had not been thrown out yet. So I took two cups of the soured milk, three cups of Sa-Tarna meal, and some baking soda and salt and mixed them in a bowl. It started to look more like a cake batter. I tasted the mixture and realized it was missing something. The missing ingredient could be obtained for free. I ran out the door and through the Olni Var gate to the Olni Var park. It is there that our Ubar keeps his bee hives. A low table is set up with pots of honey and a barrel full of honey. The Ubar encourages the residents to partake freely of his honey and so I took a pot of it home.

I mixed half a pot of honey into the batter and tasted it. By this time my hunger was so great that I was sampling the honey to keep from having the low sugar shakes. I took some butter from the counter and slathered the inside of the baking pan.

I poured the batter into the pan, covered it, and shoved it in the hearth, covering it with coals. I waited, sucking the honey off my fingers for about 20 ehn. I uncovered the pan and inside was a pretty good replica of the earth starch, corn bread. I cut a huge piece out of it and started gobbling it with honey.

I wound up eating the whole pan and suffered from the results of my gluttony afterward. I slept the rest of the day like an ost who just swallowed a large urt.

I was thinking of writing on a scroll my recipe for this “gruel on steroids” and passing it on to the cook at the House of Spiritweaver city kennel. I think it would even be better with a couple of vuolo eggs in the batter.

I heard a knock on the door much later and the next door neighbor wanted to know if I was throwing food out into the streets to attract urts. She made me clean it up.

From the NEW VOICE OF GOR v.4 Issue 166

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