ASK TEAL – Dubious Advice to Goreans


Island of Asperiche (2008) – Rarius Yuroki’s first vulo

ASK TEAL ~ Dubious Advice to Goreans

By Teal Razor, slave of Captain Siri Emerald Jr., Olni

Before I conclude, hopefully, the story of how I came to Gor, I must answer some pressing questions that have been sent by scroll for Teal to answer. Also, in the last few weeks I have had numerous scrolls arriving at my Master’s house and frankly, he cannot stand the dust they are gathering. To avoid another whipping I will answer two of these scrolls so that he will see the goodwill I am extending by eliminating two more dust collecting scrolls. I will then send them on to the editor, the Rarius Yuroki, for him to deal with.

I am a free woman set to be companioned to a free male who at first seemed to be the man of my dreams. I have known this man since I was a little girl. We have lived in the same city all our lives. And we lived down the same lane. I thought, after all that time, since I knew his personality and intelligence, why not accept his offer of companionship. However, the ceremony has not taken place yet.

Here is what disturbs me. I have been a spectator to his performances in the melee games held in the city arena. In the last man standing bout where all of the free male competitors rush out to the sands to do battle with whomever comes their way they must have excellent stamina. Now, stamina is really how the game is won. I have seen my intended hang back against the wall, run around, not drawing his sword and wait until all the other men in the melee are defeated but one. He then charges after this last exhausted participant and downs him easily. Using this less than honorable ploy, my intended has been considered victorious in many of these melee’s as of late. I am wondering whether he will manifest this peculiar trait of a “sneak” in our companioning.

I would say that you have the gift of prophecy, a true prognosticator. By asking your question, you have already answered it. There is an expression that I will translate into the Gorean, it is, “once a sneak, always a sneak”. I know this to be true on a personal level because I too have exhibited this sneaky trait in the past. It takes a lot of hard soul searching to stop this very bad habit or it takes the five bladed whip to drive it far from you. Either way it is hard on the mind and body.

I cannot tell from which city your scroll was sent since it is ragged and stained but I think it may have come from afar. As I see it, you may not read this answer for a couple of months being that the mail moves at a snails pace on Gor. When you do finally get to read my reply, I hope that you will have made the decision that I am about to dispense, translated into Gorean, “kick the bum to the curb”.

As an aside, when I had arrived at my first city on the planet and saw actual streets of stone, I found it pretty amazing that the streets were laid out with walkways for pedestrians which leave the middle of the street for wastes, animals, and carts. So to say “kick the bum to the curb” actually has meaning on Gor. If you kick him to the curb, he might roll into the street where his garments will be soiled with human waste.

So I hope that at the time you read the Voice of Gor you will be happily looking for another prospective companion. Now, you might even look at it another way. His action in the arena could be a strategy, although a questionable one. One could be lead to believe that his sneakiness is being stealthy, but one would be wrong. It is a gimmick that requires little stamina, waiting for the exhausted last man to finish his reserves of strength and succumb to a few blows to the head. Yes, to be sure, a less than honorable move

You may have a budding career as a haruspex. You could take your show on the road to the Turian plains. You could hit up all the Tuchuk camps. I hear they give their fortune teller’s much respect. Make sure you have a shiny crystal ball though. It makes it look more legit and anyway, do you really want to slit open animals to gaze into their intestines?

I do not know how to address this situation that has arisen in my life. I am a free woman who is companioned to a magistrate in my city. We have had a blissful two years together. This bliss was shattered recently. He brought home three female slaves a couple of weeks ago. Prior to this I was the only one who performed all of the household duties for my companion. It was not necessary to have nosy slaves here to destroy our privacy.

Now I have three of his slaves to contend with. My problem is that I have no authority over these sluts. They argue with each other every ahn of the day. They mock me when I request something. They are the laziest beasts I have ever known. As well, I am STILL doing all the work and cleaning up after them. Either there will be a coronation of three princesses in my home or I will put a contract out on the three of them. Help me, I am going insane.

Your plea filled me with much pity. Well, maybe empathy would be a better word. These three members of the royal family sound like they all need a severe lashing. I realize that your companion has not given you dominion over his animals. This is a tricky situation. I have witnessed being acquired into a household with one slave in its pen. When I entered this Master’s abode, the slave sneered at me as I was offered a mat by the hearth to sleep on while she had her own room to sleep in. We battled over the choice of foods to give the Master, where and upon what he would eat his meal and the question of “have you ever eaten bark off of a tree.

During this encounter with the sneering slave, she slapped me so I applied my knee to her groin. That started a Battle of Bitches. We slapped, punched, screamed, kicked, bit, and cursed each other. The Master was in his room planning out some new hearth for his kitchen remodel. He would shout down, half heartedly, every once in a while. His admonition was to, “Stop the Priest-King awful racket down there.” Of course we did not stop until I got her in a choke hold. I could feel the adrenalin coursing through my veins. I was getting high with the feeling that I could end her life right now.

Instead, I made her vow to sit down and talk to me “mano y mano” after the Master had eaten his dinner off of my back while I was put down on all fours in front of him. We spent the rest of the evening, talking it out. As I talked to her I realized that she was an illiterate female slave who did not consider anything to be fun. She could express herself only in fits and starts of poor Gorean. After awhile I found myself dozing off to the sound of her voice which was as pleasant as the squawks of a vulo about to be butchered.

The evening ended with me begging the Master to sell me to the highest bidder so he would make some coin on me. He knew that I was unhappy. Next morning he sold me to a slaver. It was best that the sale happened. If I had been in that Master’s house one more day, his first girl would be lying in a pool of blood.

I say this because the idea to “off” all three of them could put you in peril. I do like the idea of hiring an assassin to clean house for you. Make sure you find your assassin in another city as there is less likelihood your secret would leak out. I certainly wanted to murder the first girl of that Master and if I had the coin and the clout, I would have hired an assassin to cut her head off. So I sit in no judgment.

You could try this, leave the house in the morning and do not return until your companion does. You both meet at the door of your house and enter. You will both be greeted by a filthy house and squabbling slaves. It won’t take but a few days for your companion to see the error of his purchase and sell the sluts to the city kennel.

I hear that Port Kar is lovely this time of year. Maybe you and your companion can travel to this slave auction destination and make a holiday out of it.

From the VOICE OF GOR v.4 Issue 180

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